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Friday, April 10, 2009
Blog from an inter city trainI#39;m on a train to Devon for an easter break. Travelling out of London always makes my mind drift to the subject of why I'm slaving away doing my full time job and living in a noise and dust polluted slavebox when all those other people are writing plays, making quirky bits of art, creating music, etc etc or just discussing cool interesting things that I never have time or energy to do. My only focus seems to be on keeping healthy enough so I can function well at my workplace. Fact is the work itself and my lack of time for any creative outlet that is affecting my health. So I should probably do something about it. I could quit or reduce my hours. But I feel I need to do something more radical. I haven't figured it out yet. Problem is a lack of confidence. I know I can do my job well, my crazy thoughts and ideas, passions or urges are mere self indulgent claptrap. Or are they? I enjoy other peoples self indulgent creations. In fact I think its a rich facet of life that many hurried and hassled Brits never tap into in the modern world. The language of life has fewer and fewer words. Fewer words = fewer thoughts and ways of living. A more homogenous and apathetic population. Keep working keep breeding. This is life. Ask no questions. Write no letters. Build no fires. Don't hike out of the city and scream at the top of your lungs from a hilltop. No strap yourself into a gym fetish machine and plug in your earbuds. I suffer from internet addiction. Serious life destroying internet addiction. I've got OCD growing on my OCD. It's so hard to quit. I keep looking back to 1997 and before. I believe our lives were richer then I truly do. Too many silly repetitive habits I've now picked up like a tiger pacing up and down in a cage. A saddening sight. If you could see yourself with others eyes maybe you'd weep at the futility. Anyway have a happy easter. And may the bunnies eat the eggs before the cross bleeds.
sketched by dweller at 1:43 pm
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